MAKING UP: How To Get Back Your Ex-Lover
Friday, May 30th, 2008by Kate Falken
Regaining lost attraction is the key to restoring your lost relationship with your special man or woman. If you are able to do that, obstacles that he or she pointed to as impossible to overcome will fade and become insignificant in comparison to the thought of losing you.
As Brian Caniglia, author of the astounding best seller HOW TO GET BACK YOUR EX says, “People break up for one reason… and one reason only. People break up because there is a loss of attraction. What brought you together initially (attraction) will be what brings you back together now. This is the only consistently effective approach to getting them back. In the ebook, I’ll show you a very specific way of how to use it to get back your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.”
People use many different phrases to express their desire reinstate their relationship with their ex.
Of all the ways to phrase it, I think that “I want to win back my ex” is the most appropriate. Here’s why…
Getting back together with your lost love is not about you “getting” them back or even relationship repair. It is about winning them back. “Winning” them back implies a few important things semantically. It implies effort on your part. More specifically, it implies putting effort toward improving yourself so that your ex will want to come back to you and this is, in essence, what it’s all about.
You see, in order to convince your ex that you should get another chance, they have to believe it is likely the relationship will be different than before the breakup. The best way to encourage this belief, they will have to see (and believe) that YOU are changed, improved, and different in good ways.
There simply isn’t an equally effective way to win back your ex. What are some ways of doing this?
There are a few important things that you can do to win back your ex girlfriend or boyfriend but first, let me tell you what you should definitely not do:
1. Stalk them (yes, it’s obvious, but you’d be surprised…).
2. Argue and reason with them.
3. Fish for sympathy by acting depressed.
4. Buy them a gift or write a poem.
5. Manipulate them with some kind of leverage (sex, money, jealousy, etc.).
6. Tell them over and over how much you love them.
If you can avoid using any of these tactics to get back together with your ex you’ll already be ahead of the game when you start using my strategy.
They will need to perceive you as changed in positive ways and that improving yourself is a big part of this. But, there is another essential ingredient… you need to raise the level of attraction between you and your ex to a boiling point.
The perception of change makes them willing to give it another shot. The attraction is what convinces them to get back together. The problem is that attraction is extremely counter-intutive. What we often feel we should do to create attraction actually ends up making a person less attracted to us (chances are you’ve noticed this in the past).
To help you get back your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend I’ve created a clear, effective, step-by-step plan that will:
1. Make it so your ex notices that you are changed.
2. Raises the level of attraction between the two of you.
Break ups are caused by one thing… a loss of attraction. It may not seem true but think about it for a moment. If someone is strongly attracted to another person they will be willing to overcome any obstacle in order to be with them. They won’t leave them and they will be infinitely more forgiving of any faults or transgressions. When attraction is high a person’s oddities and quirks are endearing. But, when attraction dips, those same eccentricities become irritating and annoying. Love loses it’s passion and becomes more friend-like, the relationship loses it’s excitement, and people lose interest. In one way or another, every breakup can eventually be traced back to a loss of attraction. Usually the relationship between the break up and loss of attraction is indirect… but it’s always there. The most important part of repairing a relationship is restoring that attraction.
But, attraction is a funny thing. It doesn’t work the way we think it should.
The more we try to force someone to feel attraction for us the less attracted to us they become. The more you push for relationship repair the more they will resist it. You see, your ex made a big decision when they broke up with you. They may not be certain that they made the right choice. But, when you start pushing to get back together they resist your attempts and, in doing so, become even more resolved and adamant. The more you push, the further they will pull away.
In order to repair your relationship with your ex you need to raise attraction first, and then work on the details that led to the break up. Skipping this step in the relationship repair process and you’ll be met with resistance and your efforts are likely to backfire. Why would your ex be willing to work on getting back together when they aren’t attracted to you? If there is no attraction to being in the relationship why would they expend effort on repairing the relationship? It’s unfortunate but that doesn’t mean your situation is hopeless.
Look at it this way… if someone has a red hot attraction for someone they will overcome any obstacle standing in their way in order to be with that person.
But, as attraction wanes, as it often does, obstacles that would normally be hurdled without a second thought seem more formidable. Eventually, when their level of attraction dips low enough, a person won’t be willing to overcome the obstacles and that is when they will point to that obstacle and say “This is why we must break up.”
There are very specific things that you can do to raise attraction to a point where you can repair you relationship and get back together. CLICK HERE to Learn More about HOW TO GET BACK YOUR EX!
Kate Falken: http://www.kathleenfalken.0catch.com
About the Author
Kate Falken has been a marriage counselor, with an interest in Jungian psychology and dream-study, for over 25 years. To read more about modern marriage therapy, see SAVE MY MARRIAGE TODAY!